Abuser and victim are equally sinful: Sovereign Grace P/8

Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J.Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastor of covering up sexual abuse of children.

Testimony of a survivor:

"My husband and I spent many years at our Sovereign Grace church. We homeschooled, got involved in a home group and created a nice little bubble for ourselves.We looked the part and believed what we were told to believe and even though we never fit the mold, we kept trying."

"The thing was, though, my husband had a porn addiction that was kept hidden (because a Godly wife doesn't reveal her husband's sins to the world, even to close friends). He would get caught, he would "repent" and humble himself, and I was to forgive him. A vicious pattern that would repeat itself over and over, and would set the stage for what was to come."

"It all came to a head when I discovered that my husband had been sexually abusing our ten-year old daughter. (One night I went into my daughter's room to kiss her goodnight after her father had gone downstairs to get on the computer, and I said to her, "You know honey, No one, not even me or daddy has the right to touch you in your private areas." She started crying and said that daddy had been doing just that every day for a long time, and making him touch her as well.) I confronted him. He begged me not to tell anyone. I said I had to protect our daughter, so I called our associate pastor  My husband ran out of the house, got into the car and drove off. The pastor came to the house and talked to our daughter. I was praised for not calling the police but contacting them first, for being a Godly example of a Christian wife. I did tell two of my close women friends, though, feeling the need for support."

"When I shared with the pastor that I told my friends about the situation, he was quite upset for me telling anyone, and reprimanded me for gossipping and I then had to meet with them and our care group to do damage control, to make sure no one would know what was really happening or had happened. My husband was told to move in with his mother."

"My daughter and I were brought in for counselling with the pastors, where she once again had to tell what had happened, and where she was told she needed to forgive her father, that she was a sinner too, and didn't she feel that she had sinnd by not telling me sooner, and we were made to feel that she had somehow sinned by allowing it to continue, even insinuating that may be she even wanted that attention a bit. She was ten years old!!"

"I was also told that I should not get ouside counselling for my daughter at all. According to the pastor it would expose her to ungodly counsel and do more harm than good, that God was the only counsel she needed. My husband got counselling for about four months from the pastors; it is the "trickle down" theory of taking care of the "head" and it will trickle down to the wife and kids."

"The pastors knew that so many people knew about what had happened that they were required by law to report it, so they told my husband that he needed to turn himself in instead of them doing it."

"After about two months, I was told that in order to be a truly Godly wife, I had to forgive my husband because my sins as a less than Godly wife had also contributed to my daughter's abuse. I was told that had I better met my husband's needs physically, he wouldn't have been tempted elsewhere. A meeting was held at the pastor's home, where my husband coud apologise for hurting her and ask her to forgive him. Again she was reminded by the pastors that she was a sinner too, and that Jesus had forgiven her, so she must forgive her father to be a good Christian."

"So I was told to allow my husband to move back home, and to make sure I had physical relations with him regularly. I was told as well to put a lock on my daughter's door, on the inside, and every night after I had kissed her goodnoght, she had to lock her door to keep her father out."

"He moved back and we resumed looking like a "normal" Sovereign Grace Ministries family, my husband was greatly praised for repenting and we were praised for reconciling."

"A year later we were told to be part of a church plant. However, I caught my husband looking at our daughter when she went to use the bathroom.I told the pastor. He said that sin was insidious and that I should expect my husband to have moments of weakness. I was wrong to warn my daughter because I was further damaging her relationship with her father and preventing it from being reconciled.At that moment I knew that not only was I and my child without protection from the church, but that I was truly alone and would just have to make the best of it. I could not rely on any more help from the pastors and it was up to me to protect my child as best as I could."

"For five years I struggled to be that protection for my daughter. She continued to lock her bedroom every night and I continued to always be alert to my husband's prowling at night. In the meantime, we maintained our facade as a healed and reconciled family The toll on my self-esteem, my self-respect and my family was huge. My marriage relationship was dead, but I was trapped inside it trying to be that "Godly wife."

"Finally, I just burned out. I just couldn't do it any longer. I couldn't pretend to love a man who had sexually assaulted my child every day for months."

"It was only with the strength and support of one friend that I was able to finally get the courage to divorce my husband and leave the church. It was a long two-year process, in which I was shunned and ostracised by the church body under instructions by the pastors for "abandoning my family" and beraking my marriage vows. I was told I couldn't leave the church because as long as my husband was a member, I was a member also. But I finally got my divorce and broke free, and maintained custody of my daughter."

"I have found a wonderful church that has helped me realise that the world and God are so much bigger than Sovereign Grace Ministries ever taught."

P.S. This is my last post on Sovereign Grace Ministries.

Abuse is part of God's Plan: Sovereign Grace P/7

Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J. Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012 accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children. 

Testimony of a survivor:

"I came to PDI (later SGM) when they were just getting into the subject of Christian counselling. Basically we were told there was no credence in rehashing the past because God was the God of the present. We would go to Celebrations, their annual mecca-life conference, and there would be time for all kinds of things. But there was never a time for anyone who had suffered abuse."

"In the twelve years I was in the ministry, I never asked for help in dealing with my abusive past. I was so afraid I would be judged as being self-pitying or not fully embracing the sovereignty of God. But then one day I made the tragic mistake of reaching out to a pastor of our previous SGM church and he told me something that chilled me to the bone. He said, "It is such a comfort to know that whatever happened to you was sovereignly ordained by God and was still better than you deserved."

"I was shocked, horrified, outraged, you name it. For the first time in my life, I challengd this sick doctrine vehemently, although I didn't attack him personally."

"After leaving SGM, I finally opened up to a very wise and godly woman who was able to show me the depth of distortion to the Father's heart of God presented to me by this pastor and by SGM in general."

Read Part Eight HERE

Pastors are above the law: Sovereign Grace P/6

 Read Part One HERE

 In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J. Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louiseville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012 accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children. 

 Testimony of a survivor:

"I was part of PDI-turned SGM for a long time, and there were too many abuses to recount in a post. In a nutshell, leadership puts up an appearance of humility, while being absolutely unwilling to look at very serious cult-like tendencies. Basically, everyone was expected to be cookie-cutter families: Everyone is to home school, only let their children court, support the same hyper-Calvinist doctrines etc. When my spouse and I decided not to home school, you would have thought we had decided to sell our children into prostitution. We came under so much scrutiny and "evaluation" as to our motives, we ended up doing it out of a sense of shame."

"I also took issue with the fact that the leadership in our church refused to report very serious cases of child abuse to local officials - even one case of molestation and another of incest. I have a very good friend whose husband confessed to a pastor he had sexually abused their daughter and other heinous acts. One of the pastors met with the couple one time and then told my friend later - when she asked when they would meet again - that he thought the situation was pretty much dealt with."

Not only is not reporting these abuses against the law, I think it was indicative of their arrogant presumption that they can effectively take on situations that were way over their head..... Their methodologies are so fraught with inconsistencies  and dangerous error, they have hamstrung themselves in their effectiveness. And as much as they uphold the efficacies of biblical accountability, if anyone outside their tight little leadership circles dare to challenge anything in the movement, they are anathema and shunned altogether.Although there were many good things about PDI -SGM and I have many fond memories, unfortunately the harm I suffered far outweighs the good. I was so sipwrecked after leaving, I still have a difficult time walking into a church or trusting anyone who calls himself a Christian."

Read Part Seven HERE

 

 

Do as you are told or else...: Sovereign Grace P/5

 Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J. Mahaney, pastor Of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children.

                                    Testimony of  a survivor:

"Committed a sin. Confessed to a pastor. Repented. Years went by without any temptation in that area. I was totally over it. Then I was confronted and told they should have dealt with my sin differently when I had confessed it years earlier. I was told that I had to follows certain "steps" they declared for me in order to be forgiven for my sin. What? I thought it was by grace that I was saved and not works. Now I have to work for my salvation? I was so confused. In private I was told I had "works" to do to earn my salvation. At church they talked about grace. I began to think that the cross, Jesus, and grace was for everyone else but me. There was no hope for me - only for everybody else. My sense of worth dropped to nothing. OK. Maybe below nothing. I was depressed, angry, suicidal, unloved, unworthy, hopeless. If I did what they required that meant I had to "earn" their love and God's and that was depressed me. The constant struggle to earn their love was already exhausting me. So much to do to keep them all pleased and now there was more. I didn't do what they required and I was shunned, unloved, unacceptable. That was depressing. No one tried to understand or ask what I was thinking or feeling. All I got from my so-called brothers and sisters was an attitude or "do as you're told or you are nothing." So I believed I was nothing. I meant nothing to God. I had not one that loved me. No one. I responded very badly. I was so angry. Shunned. Scared. More anger, Condemnation.Divored, Angry. Bitter. Depressed.Suicidal. Lost. Empty. What do I do now? How do I live through each day without the daily interaction of leadership in my life?... Years went by.... So hopeless then..."

"New begining.... A new church. An amazing pastor. Truth. Grace. Hope. Hope. Hope. Forgiveness, Freedom, Joy. Love, Whole. I love who I am. I am a woman. I really love who I am. I love who I am in Christ. God's daughter. Beautiful. Made in God's image. Righteous. Amazed by God. Amazed by grace. Good News. Peace, Changed. Hope. I love Christ's Bride. I love the church.I am giving. Serving. Loving others. Enjoying God. He is so awesome."

"My sin was 23 years ago. I am so over it. I have no temptation or struggle with that sin at all. But CLC people would throw down that sin like a trump card - act like it just happened yesterday. Anything to discredit someone else in order to pump up their own reputation. The fact and sum of my life is that I love Jesus so much because I have been forgiven much .Jesus' blood was enough for my sin."

Read Part Six HERE

Believers are only worms: Sovereign Grace P/4

                                      Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J. Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment/ A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children.

Testimony of a survivor:

"We were in PDI (today SGM) for 12-13 years, I started reading other books, checking out internet prophecy, looking into other doctrines and realised that what was being taught and force fed wasn't exactly what I wanted our family to hear. Each Sunday at the end of the message I would sit there feeling the weight of condemnation.... because the Lord was dealing with me to leave until I finally told Him, "Ok, I'll go." There was no joy, no victory, no Blood of the Lamb who took away the sins of the world, no love lifted me.... just focus on what a worm you are until you go crazy. We couldn't even say that someone had a good heart, no, we had to say that they had a horrible black sin-infested, disgusting, revolting, deceitfully wicked heart above all things, ad nausum, etc - on and on  and one."

"I saw much hypocrisy in the leaders and didn't appreciate it... They said one thing in public but another thing in private. The standard they used to measure others was never applied to themselves. They sure loved to hear themselves talk."

"The elitism and superiority was more than I could bear. If you weren't in our church you were a heathen and going to hell. Other churches weren't even Christians."

"After I left it was such a relief--- -No more condemnation, no more double standards, no more hypocrisy."

Read Part Five HERE

Pastors are in charge: Sovereign Grace P/3

                                     Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J. Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children.

Testimony of a survivor:

"I attended a SGM church from 1992 - 2000. I had been a Christian for many years and was a seminary student. I was put off by the top-down structure among other things. I had never experienced such a strange form of church government in the several churches I had been part of over the years. I found it most troubling but didn't really have anyone to discuss my concerns with so I pondered it on my own. Although I tithed (but never gave to the misnamed "mission fund"), I was never privy to any sort of financial documents or budgets. I always thought it strange that the paid pastors had the ability to determine their own wages etc. Now I will say, I was never a member, so perhaps these documents were available to members. However, I did attend membership classes and went as far as having the pastoral interview in which, as we were finishing, the pastor remarked, "I believe God is giving you to us." I have no idea what I said in reply, but I remember thinking that God was going to have to communicate that to me before I signed on!"

"Because I had been involved in very missions-active churches, I was puzzled by the lack of any sort of mission outreach. In fact, I was told that PI (the forerunner of SGM) didn't do missions.I left in 2000 for many reason but the bottom line for me was that I was a square peg trying to fin into a round hole."

Read Part Four HERE

Husbands have the right to complain about their wives: Sovereign Grace P/2

                                    Read Part One HERE

In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J.Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up sexual abuse of children.

 Testimony of a survivor:

"Our family attended a Sovereign Grace Ministries church for 3 years. The people were very friendly - at first. We attended membership classes for a year before we were granted membership. Lots of classes (weekly) to make sure we were the type of members they wanted. We attended a Parent and Youth TaG We also attended a family TAG group As time progressed we were invited to attend a Marriage TAG group."

"The marriage TAG was odd. Couples would sit around together and the men would talk about how "non-submissive" their wives were! At the end of the class, several of the wives would be crying. It was very disturbing. When my husband voiced his concerns, he was told that women needed to submit to their husbands."

"There are many other things which happened during our time at this church. Most of it was awful! Our children were told  by leaders that they were not very smart, that they had anger issues, that they were full of pride, etc. One child was actually told that, "it was not their place to ask any questions about anything. Their job was to, "make the leadership look good."

"We were constantly being told that we were wretched sinners (which we are) but Christ, but God! The "bad news" was constantly repeated, but rarely was the "good news" -  we have freedom in Christ! He paid the debt! He has freed us!"

"We decided we would meet with the pastor and discussed our concerns with him. It was quite an emotional meeting, but in the end we had not made a final decision. "Maybe it was us," we thought. Maybe we were prideful. Maybe we were imagining being shunned, etc. We prayed and left the meeting."

"A few days later, we returned to church for an activity. No one spoke to us until we were leaving. A board member's wife said that she heard we had met with the pastor. I was surprised, but asked how she had heard that information. She replied that the pastor had sent out an email to the leadership saying that we were leaving the church."

"I was shocked. We had not even decided what we were going to do... My husband arranged for another meeting with the pastor to discuss the subject. When they met, the pastor said he was sure that we were going to leave, but if we'd like, he could send an email stating that we had changed our mind and were now going to stay"

"WOW! I'm not sure what he eventually did, but shortly after that meeting we left Sovereign Grace Ministries. We have been away for almost a year and have not heard from anyone."

Read Part Three HERE

Pastors are to be given double honour: Sovereign Grace P/1

In this blog post I will begin a series of posts focusing on  C.J. Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Kentucky. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastors of covering up the sexual abuse of children.

Testimony of a survivor:

"I was a member of two Sovereign Grace Ministries churches in the DC-MD-Va area for a total of 8 years. During my first visit to a caregroup they spent over 45 minutes praising the attributes of the pastor. When I questioned the caregroup leader about this, I was pointed to 1 Timothy 5:17 - you know, the "double honour" idea."

"The months turned into years and I witnessed nothing short of idol worship being given to the pastoral staff. It's so easy to see that now, but I was so taken in by their "observations" of my pride and sinful judgements. The hierarchy, manipulations and sever pressure to conform ("cult of personality") were also rampant at both churches. The entire 8 years I felt the Holy Spirit prodding me: something-is-wrong-here-but-I-can't-put-my-finger-on-it."

"I confronted pastors at both churches on these issues - citing multiple examples and how they contradicted scripture. Both made it clear that it was inconceivable to think they weren't 100% correct (okay, 98%...), and that the apostolic team thid interpret the passages that way ("this is just how we do things withing Sovereign Grace Ministries")."

"It's been over a year now since I pulled my family out of Sovereign Grace Ministries. It was hard leaving friends, brothers and sisters. We found a church that points us to Christ, not just the Cross. I am still kicking myself (repenting) of not yielding to the "Still Quiet Voice" I knew pre-Sovereign Grace Ministries."

Read Part Two HERE