In this blog post I will continue to focus on C.J.Mahaney, pastor of Sovereign Grace Church, Louisville, Kentucky, USA. He was formerly president of Sovereign Grace Ministries, now known as Sovereign Grace Churches. Their culture incorporates a strong emphasis on homeschooling, patriarchy and corporal punishment. A civil suit was filed in 2012, accusing Mahaney and other Sovereign Grace pastor of covering up sexual abuse of children.
Testimony of a survivor:
"My husband and I spent many years at our Sovereign Grace church. We homeschooled, got involved in a home group and created a nice little bubble for ourselves.We looked the part and believed what we were told to believe and even though we never fit the mold, we kept trying."
"The thing was, though, my husband had a porn addiction that was kept hidden (because a Godly wife doesn't reveal her husband's sins to the world, even to close friends). He would get caught, he would "repent" and humble himself, and I was to forgive him. A vicious pattern that would repeat itself over and over, and would set the stage for what was to come."
"It all came to a head when I discovered that my husband had been sexually abusing our ten-year old daughter. (One night I went into my daughter's room to kiss her goodnight after her father had gone downstairs to get on the computer, and I said to her, "You know honey, No one, not even me or daddy has the right to touch you in your private areas." She started crying and said that daddy had been doing just that every day for a long time, and making him touch her as well.) I confronted him. He begged me not to tell anyone. I said I had to protect our daughter, so I called our associate pastor My husband ran out of the house, got into the car and drove off. The pastor came to the house and talked to our daughter. I was praised for not calling the police but contacting them first, for being a Godly example of a Christian wife. I did tell two of my close women friends, though, feeling the need for support."
"When I shared with the pastor that I told my friends about the situation, he was quite upset for me telling anyone, and reprimanded me for gossipping and I then had to meet with them and our care group to do damage control, to make sure no one would know what was really happening or had happened. My husband was told to move in with his mother."
"My daughter and I were brought in for counselling with the pastors, where she once again had to tell what had happened, and where she was told she needed to forgive her father, that she was a sinner too, and didn't she feel that she had sinnd by not telling me sooner, and we were made to feel that she had somehow sinned by allowing it to continue, even insinuating that may be she even wanted that attention a bit. She was ten years old!!"
"I was also told that I should not get ouside counselling for my daughter at all. According to the pastor it would expose her to ungodly counsel and do more harm than good, that God was the only counsel she needed. My husband got counselling for about four months from the pastors; it is the "trickle down" theory of taking care of the "head" and it will trickle down to the wife and kids."
"The pastors knew that so many people knew about what had happened that they were required by law to report it, so they told my husband that he needed to turn himself in instead of them doing it."
"After about two months, I was told that in order to be a truly Godly wife, I had to forgive my husband because my sins as a less than Godly wife had also contributed to my daughter's abuse. I was told that had I better met my husband's needs physically, he wouldn't have been tempted elsewhere. A meeting was held at the pastor's home, where my husband coud apologise for hurting her and ask her to forgive him. Again she was reminded by the pastors that she was a sinner too, and that Jesus had forgiven her, so she must forgive her father to be a good Christian."
"So I was told to allow my husband to move back home, and to make sure I had physical relations with him regularly. I was told as well to put a lock on my daughter's door, on the inside, and every night after I had kissed her goodnoght, she had to lock her door to keep her father out."
"He moved back and we resumed looking like a "normal" Sovereign Grace Ministries family, my husband was greatly praised for repenting and we were praised for reconciling."
"A year later we were told to be part of a church plant. However, I caught my husband looking at our daughter when she went to use the bathroom.I told the pastor. He said that sin was insidious and that I should expect my husband to have moments of weakness. I was wrong to warn my daughter because I was further damaging her relationship with her father and preventing it from being reconciled.At that moment I knew that not only was I and my child without protection from the church, but that I was truly alone and would just have to make the best of it. I could not rely on any more help from the pastors and it was up to me to protect my child as best as I could."
"For five years I struggled to be that protection for my daughter. She continued to lock her bedroom every night and I continued to always be alert to my husband's prowling at night. In the meantime, we maintained our facade as a healed and reconciled family The toll on my self-esteem, my self-respect and my family was huge. My marriage relationship was dead, but I was trapped inside it trying to be that "Godly wife."
"Finally, I just burned out. I just couldn't do it any longer. I couldn't pretend to love a man who had sexually assaulted my child every day for months."
"It was only with the strength and support of one friend that I was able to finally get the courage to divorce my husband and leave the church. It was a long two-year process, in which I was shunned and ostracised by the church body under instructions by the pastors for "abandoning my family" and beraking my marriage vows. I was told I couldn't leave the church because as long as my husband was a member, I was a member also. But I finally got my divorce and broke free, and maintained custody of my daughter."
"I have found a wonderful church that has helped me realise that the world and God are so much bigger than Sovereign Grace Ministries ever taught."
P.S. This is my last post on Sovereign Grace Ministries.
No comments:
Post a Comment