Women are at fault: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/6

                                                      Read Part One HERE

In this post I will continue to share on the abuse of Ann Elizabeth Mekala at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, previously pastored by John Piper.

Ann: "We had several reconciliation meetings between me and the male co-worker where the leaders of the organisation remained "neutral mediators" and my co-worker painted himself as a victim and me as the perpetrator."

Ann: "DARVO is an acronym for "DENY, ATTACK, and REVERSE, VICTIM, and OFFENDER."It is a common manipulation of psychological abusers. The abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the victim for attempting to hold the abuser accountable, and claims that they, the abuser, are actually the victim in the situation. This happened in every mediation I had with him."

Ann: "When he broke down in tears how hard I was to work with and how other people on the team felt the same way, the leaders of the organisation would smile and affirm how repentant he was and how encouraging the mediation was going. The leaders of the organisation told me that with my personality I was probably better suited for a job in a secular context."

Read Part Seven HERE

Women are allowed to be shamed: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/5

                                                      Read Part One HERE

In this post I continue to share on the abuse of Ann Elizabeth Mekala at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, previously pastored by John Piper.

Ann: "After years of this abuse I was put in a position of co-leading with a  male staff member. Although in our job title we were peers, in our interactions he was domineering, shaming and snide. He acted like he could see clearly what I couldn't, explained away almost every suggestion I made for our team, expected I ask him permission for things when he would simply inform me of similar decisions he made, publicly shamed me in front of our staff, made impactful decisions without consulting me, talked to me as if he were my superior rather than my peer and confided in male staff below us about his problems with me."

Ann: "Anytime I would confront him on these things he would defend himself, gaslight me and paint himself as the victim of the situation. This over several years took such a toll on my mental health and self-esteem that I sought help on multiple occasions from the leaders of the organisation."

Ann: "I was told this was an issue between he and I and that I needed to deal with him directly. I tried this and it always went very poorly. I was seeking help from my superiors for an abusive power dynamic but was advised it was merely a conflict between peers."

Ann: "I was told it was a personality conflict and "this is merely pain from your past." I have a loving relationship with my father and to this day don't know what part of my past they meant."

Ann: "After a display of raising his voice, shaming and belittling me in front of our entire staff I thought the leaders would finally see what I had been trying to communicate about what I was experiencing. But instead I was told that I needed counselling and that it was clear this man triggered "past pain" in me."

 Read Part Six HERE

Women are treated with disrespect: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/4

                                                     Read Part One HERE

In this post I will begin to share the story of Ann Elizabeth Mekala's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, previously pastored by John Piper.

Ann: "It has taken me two years and some time in therapy to have the courage to go public with my story. I was emotionally, psychologically and spiritually abused at COGGlobal where I worked for 8 years. I want to tell the truth for my own dignity and healing but also for the sake of anyone affiliated with this organisation and the church that oversees this ministry, which is Bethlehem Baptist Church. The leader of this student organisation is an elder at Bethlehem Baptist Church and I believe his behaviour to be indicative of a wider trend of sexism, abuse and not believing victims that is present in both church and organisation."

Ann: "After a few years of working with this organisation, I started to call out some of the unhealthy patterns I saw in the organisation specifically the deep rooted sexism and abuse in the treatment of female staff and students and the unaddressed power dynamics between men and women."

Ann: "Raising these concerns resulted in tone policing ("nope, try again, you sound too angry"), turning the blame back on me ("you're just doing this because you want a higher position and title"), causing me to question my own reality ("this just bothers you because of xyz that happened in your past") and the reversal of victim and abuser ("I feel like no matter how much we do for you you are never happy")."

P.S. I will continue the story of Ann Elizabeth Mekala's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church in my next post.

Read Part Five HERE

Women are not allowed to think for themselves: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/3

                                                     Read Part One HERE

In this post I will share the story of Lydia Arant's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, previously pastored by John Piper.

Lydia: "Over the course of eight years that I attended Bethlehem Baptist Church (almost five of which I was employed there) I began to hear stories of pain, spiritual abuse, and neglect. I became increasingly aware of the oppression that BIPOC (Black, Indigenous And People Of Colour) and female believers have experienced there."

Lydia: "I, as the Librarian was responsible for the book club and was the person to go to for any questions or concerns. However, I was cut out of the process for something I planned, scheduled into our church datebase and frequently sent emails to pastors and staff in regards to. The book club was ultimately shut down and disbanded."

Lydia: "Another time that I was completely disconnected from my direct work was when I was trying to evaluate our our librabry's section on "Biblical Manhood and Womanhood." It was recommended to me that I send an email to all our pastors and staff for help in making any decisions which I did. I mentioned in the email that I wanted to re-evaluate this part of the collection and take out outdated material. I was hoping to take out authors like Doug Wilson, and also hoping for some input on some healing and loving potential additions."

Lydia: "Pastor Sam Crabtree responded to this email with frustration and not only assumed that I was questioning Bethlehem's view on Complementarity, but he cut me out of the conversation entirely, only addressing the pastors in his response. When I spoke to my supervison, Joby Morgan, she told me he was probably just having a bad day. She responded to my push-back by asking how long I had been friends with Stephanie Denzer, another staff member. This really hurt, not only because Stephanie is a dear friend and someone who had been addressing issues at Bethlehem, but it communicated to me yet again that my intellect was of no value and that I couldn't think for myself or be addressed as an individual."

Read Part Four HERE

Women must not pray out loud: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/2

                                                      Read Part One HERE

In this post I will continue to share on Hilary Engel's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, previously pastored by John Piper.

Hilary: "All I wanted to do was serve Jesus and His people. But I couldn't do that without facing incredible scrutiny. So slowly but surely I changed."

Hilary: "I changed how I sang. I stopped praying out loud because I had been made to believe that as a woman that was controversial."

Hilary: "What's more, I was always on edge when reading Scripture, especially out loud, because I was afraid that someone would think I was preaching - and there was NO way I could do that. Ever. Not as a woman!"

Hilary: "The worst part? While the lies took hold and became truth I was still being reassured about my gifts and told that I should just "stick it out" because change was coming."

Hilary: "After leaving that environment, I am starting to be able to understand the toxicity. I am healing."

Hilary: "Not only was Bethlehem Baptist Church a place where I didn't feel safe or where I couldn't flourish, but it was an environment where countless others couldn't either. And that isn't the church. And it certainly is not a reflection of the Gospel and what Jesus would have done."

Hilary: "For me to heal has included things like attending a church that meets me in my hurt and encourages me to lead. It means learning to trust myself and my intuition after years of being told I was wrong." 

Read Part Three HERE

Crying is not acceptable: Bethlehem Baptist Church P/1

 

In this post I will begin to share the story of Hilary Engel's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA, previously pastored by John Piper.

Hilary: "As a single woman in a Calvinist, complementarian church, spiritual abuse is (sadly) all but guaranteed."

Hilary: "I have never shared my story of spiritual abuse because I didn't think it was good enough. I believed (the lie) that my experience didn't matter and that I was just "too sensitive."

Hilary: "That belief in and of itself was the result of abuse. I was taught that my emotions were the enemy and to not feel, I was told and shown over and over, in a plethora of ways, that if I couldn't justify a feeling, it wasn't valid."

Hilary: "In fact, I remember being told at one point to "leave the platform" while singing on the worship team because I was crying and it may be "distracting" and "uncomfortable."

Hilary: "My Bethlehem Baptist Church ties run deep and are incredibly personal. Were there wonderful people who both came alongside me and shephered me when I needed it most? Absolutely. That said, abuse can still exist - and even run rampant - despite the presence of loving, wise, God-honouring individuals."

Hilary: "Behind the scenes I was told how I was gifted and called to serve and LEAD the church. In public? You would have never known it."

Hilary: "Singing is my passion. I prefer to sing in more of a free gospel and spiritual style. But at church I was told to "reign it in." I was repeatedly told that I was "too much" and that no one "knew what to do with me." 

P.S. I will continue the story of Hilary's abuse at Bethlehem Baptist Church in my next post.

Read Part Two HERE

 

Women are traumatised at church: James Macdonald P/6

                                      Read Part One HERE

In this post I will contine to share the story of Lina's abuse by James Macdonald, (ex-) pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel, Rolling Meadows, Illiniois, USA.

Lina: "The more I think about the demise of Harvest Bible Chapel and James Macdonald, the more I believe that fear is the cancer at the root of it all - specifically the fear of James Macdonald."

Lina: "I invited anyone to my house who needed to talk about their pain as it related to what has been happening at Harvest. That night changed me. While only a handful showed up, the range of their pain was wide. Some women were still in the middle of the trauma and were still currently attending Harvest. Others had old wounds that had resurfaced and were hurting, having never felt closure to their stories.For years they had been made to feel like outcasts, but finally vindication in its godly form was working its way out. And still some came because their loved ones and spouses had abandoned the faith completely and now refuse to go to church - and they long to understand why." 

 

P.S. This is my last post on abuse at Harvest Bible Chapel pastored by James Macdonald.